Their messages are private. I took all his time and his energy and gave nothing in return. It was our most violent fight. Trust is rebuilt, and the deception in our minds that thinks there is fear is unveiled to show the light around us. i know hes really hurt thats why he doesnt feels like talking to me that much . She is literally more angry about it now then she was when she first got the message. My husband and I have been together for 12yrs married for 5 of those. It also gives your date a chance to see what kind of person you are because if she takes well to nature, then there could be something special between the both of you, so try this out sometime soon! It tore me apart! I know one thing for sure love never fails. Then the next he wants me to prove to him Im not controlling or jealous 8 order to be with him.im so lost.then the same girl had a text conversation where shes telling him she doesnt want to be with him and his bashing me and my daughter and begging her to give him a chance and he would never cheat on him.i confronted him and all he did was laugh in my face and say we have something good we just dont live together. saying it was nothing, they meant nothing, but this ripped my heart out. How long do I stay silent? Right now, what happened within the last 2 wks was that she said not to call her anymore. Im also in the same exact boat. She has felt like this for about 3 years but was afraid to tell me. As I work with technology solutions it didnt take me long to confront her with this additional info. I want her back but she is just not in a place right now where she can be with me. My question to you, about your previous therapy: Did it focus on why there was a problem on your husbands part with your previous sexual partners? And it was an outlet for peace and not dealing with our issues. Talking doesnt help. I loved him with everything I had and would do anything for him. Im now at a point that my feelings for him are not the same and my affection and attraction is not there. Doing everything herself, w/o you? Ever since we had that fall out hes like a changed man. I guess it was normal for me having grown up with my father constantly abusing my mother. (I know) she continued to request that we meet. I want to restart the relationship but she is feeling too pained to try. You can look at the introduction on my website 3 Keys to a Spectacular Marriage. I dont know what to do. He claims his phone gets slow when chats accumulate. there was Cheating,verbal abuse, drug use, and been an absent and irresponsable father. i didnt like it and decided i only want to be with my love, but this made my love lose interest and now he doesnt see me the same anymore. My best friend fell in love with me 2 years ago and I could not say yes then since I was moving on from another guy. So I think the counseling should be a good move provided the counselor doesnt just say mhm but actually has tools and opens you up to further thoughts. And he has been doing this for years. Plus, he no longer wears his wedding ring, he changed my name in his phone from wife, he doesnt like to go places together (ex: if he had to run to the store to get some bread and fruit. I didnt know that he was getting hurt by this and that Im not meeting his needs when it comes to loving him. Everyone is so shocked, by his actions. He will be needy and insecure and maybe sweet. I have dealt with his jealousy all these years and it is old I have given him no reason for his actions. Thats because I want to change his character. I need some help. B. hes attracted to me? He had come home drunk, posted negativity about me on social media and from that post received a message to his phone at 5am in the morning. So, to me, the only time a person who has cheated can say they changed is when these issues are A. understood clearly, B. dealt with emotionally, C and the person has new tools for coping when the bad feelings come over them. True love is just a special feeling .u love someone without condition without knowing any thing.. He said they click and have so much in common. We have 2 kids together (2 and 5 years old). I dont know what to do but I need advice I cant move on cause my heart belongs to her. He has told me I need to get back the strong woman I once wasthe one he fell in love with. Then tried to get back together few hours later. If she is in the same place that I am, she heard the words Im sorry so much that they mean nothing. I just want to see that hes ready to do all it takes. All of the above matters. Anyone can respond with something mean. help. Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months now but we have some issues. He thinks Im really that mean,fussy, negative and everything else person that he had seen all these years. Like really how this lady who just came in my husband life gone tell me how MY HUSBAND is going think or feel. A good Marriage & Family Therapist can work with both the couple or any individual in that family. i was stupid and i dated another guy for 3 dates. Its hard to see things turning around but I really want it to. We were mostly content with the relationship. He had a rough upbringing and there was no solid male figure in his life to teach him how to really love. I suffer from ptsd,excessive worring stress and others. From his point of view I betrayed him and from my point of view he betrayed me and the children. The entire thing has made me crazy and depressed. Long story short my husband suffered from sever depression and I stuck with him thru thick and thin. He has been wonderful and pays for everything he showers me with gifts, I see a sincere change in him but I cant drop my guard. I was hurt. He admitted it to me and when I said never contact me again he said call me in about a month when your knocked up!! I slowly over come it but it comes back now and then. A person in emotional turmoil is not who he really IS. I tell her I wanna drop everything and start fresh. If the problem was your lying, then the question is: why did you feel a need to lie? And i really do love him so much. I just wonder if im being honest with myself and her about where i am emotionally. Weve been having problems for the last year or more. Very passionate, she sent me cute text messages multiple times a day and each time we were together she would text afterwards how amazing it felt to be with me. Another idea among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to dress to impress I think its possible fall in and out of love, unfortunately for me I am the one who keeps messing up indifferent ways. So that is to your advantage as part of a couple: he would be a more mature and forward-thinking person. It outlined all of his feelings around the betrayal, even acknowledgement of his part in rejecting me. I know he still loves me. I dont know what to do here. I met my sons father at a local gas station filling my tank omw to work. I just want to be with him but he wont respond. Then, after he promises everything and you move, and he does not love you any more, now you love him so much. Now, on top of it, you have fallen into depression. He is calm, he usually gets angry when I confront him with things like this, he tells me you didnt do anything to deserve this, Im done I wont do it again. The way I said it he thinks Im prpud of what I did which is not true seriously. I found this website while researching my complicated relationship with my husband of 2 years. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and in the past I cheated on him, I kissed this guy because I felt like I wasnt getting attention from my boyfriend, I know it was wrong and I wish I could take it back. Im glad I found thisI am having the same issue right now. Thank you so much. For a long time I pushed her needs off to the side but now she is my Queen. We have been living together for five years, and married for two and a half. I know it is over for good and I am devestated. I have been married for almost 11 years, next month. But he recently had weight loss surgery and started going out more often. Meanwhile, yes, you should both get counseling to help this process. I am skeptical of this NC sometimes. We had sex again and started talking about getting back together. [] her engagement ring. An update to my story is that for a while my wife and I were doing really well and then the bottom fell out. Hi M There was no contact with the first girl after the night he broke up with her) I kind of gave him a free pass on both of those, they hurt, I was honest an open with my feelings, he understood why I was upset and did everything he could to fix the problem. I sensed to late that something has been off with him and by the time I instinctively realized the emotional damage I mustve done to him I also felt that he might have fallen out of love with him. We became the best of friends, but also sexual partners. The majority of people wouldnt recognize if theyd been controlling or needy. Now we're married.". Good luck!! What can i do to regain back his trust and love ? The general reaction of abusive people is that this is all they know and think its normal. To get him to even realize that there are things he should want to work on is to hold out the carrot of happiness. I always believe in the carrot over the stick. This was before we met though. In fact, please seek a person with a degree in Marriage & Family Therapy. i have since found that he was texting women and web chatting with woman the whole time his nan was here basically dying? You guys were fooling around and having fun. I feel a lot of my bad habits of being stubborn or misunderstanding have gone and I have beem rewarded with my efforts through this tough time by a husband who tells me I look prettier every passing day. We had been together 9 months and things werent always perfect but I was so in love with him. This is a update on my previous post and I really really need your advice. Maybe that was a lie to get me away from him . And i just want my best friend and lover back. Well, the weight came off and she looks and feels fantastic! Not really sure what to doI want to keep trying but not sure how to go about it, he needs to talk it all out and get it out to let go of all the anger or try to but he just shuts me out and ignores me for days on end and has an attitude from hellI have said countless times that Im sorry and at times things seem totally normal and others its like weve never shared anything together or been in lovehelp. That even though. I dont know what to do in these situations, because I usually bug her about why she is irritated usually to the point where she says she doesnt feel like dealing with this relationship anymore, How do I fix this and what can I do to get this relationship back to the spark that we used to have in the beginning ox the relationship. She has her own issues in her past, like her parents divorcing when she was a young teen, and she is turning 40 this year. When we met we were both in open relationships, so this was a mutual interest of ours. I cant get over the fact that he took me for granted when I have been nothing but good to him and accepted him with and love his child, unlike his ex whom he wanted to marry but she treated him like crap. She tells me herself. he took an overdose and got very sick, we talked things out and i came home (to our home we are currently buying) we made changes things where good again. I find myself very hyper-sensitive when questioned by her as I feel I should not have to tell her everything I do or think or say to other people, maybe she is just asking out of curiosity but I dont like being questionedI had enough of it from the time before, how do I move past this??? For all you out there who are in relationships where the other doesnt see their hurtful behaviorit is possible for them to see it. We were intimate 3 and a half weeks ago. I would ask him to come along to some of the events. It may be helpful to work through your feelings and concerns with a qualified and compassionate mental health professional, even if you seek help on your own. I love himI just dont want to hurt from the past or not trust a word he says but I do and it kills me everyday. She would ignore me constantly, sometimes days at a time and was never there for me. This man really does make me a better person, but there have been other lies in our relationship from him I dont know what to do honestly. I will never give up but I could use some ideas, I have attended counseling and quit drinking, but she is very resistant to individual or eventual couples counseling. I am at a loss as to what to do reached that what is the point question. I broke things off with a woman who claimed she "loved me" after 4 months. I didnt tell him the truth about it, I just kept saying that it didnt happen. So we have a few more arguments, and it came out that she has been feeling like this for years. My husband chooses to pretend that his emotional affair; disinterest in our commitment to each other or lack of regular physical intimacy has ever happened drives me insane. Im at the point where Ive completely decided to leave him alone. So your husband isnt going to get past it without help. I dont even know if he still in jail if he is maybe getting the help I have no idea. My wife has just started an executive MBA which involves travel and I am 100% behind her in making sure she is successful. He left for work and said he needed time to think. I was starting to date another guy and he just played with my emotions. This must be his decision. That is reason #2 for a therapist to help you. Hit.I know she loves me but she hardly talks to meme anymore ignores me doesnt find me interesting and pulling away from me and Im am starting to feel like pull in out myself. What do I do? We have a son who will be 3 in august and a daughter who is 9 months old. how to love innocently? It just hurts that the love doesnt stop him from behaving like this and hurting me repeatedly. If this is not the type of personality for you if shes too cold you are entitled to your feelings. 11: Take her to the park for some fresh air Your reactions are understandable. We laughed and danced and celebrated with friends. We started dating and lasted 3 years and our families even met and spent time together and loved each other. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again? Im not a quiter but maybe im going too far? But I have now and I have realized how much work I need to do on myself. Thousands of questions fill the mind of a woman who has been raped by the man of her affections. He was very worried about me and I understand that, but he was also worried that I would cheat on him. He will not see that if you are desperate. If that was part of itand this requires soul-searching w your therapists helpthen it is no wonder that you cant get the love back. Be strong and know that relationships are a two way street not one sided. "Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.". Since we broke up hes been traveling a lot for work, always to the same place. And i really dont want to lose him at all. That will not work. I, too, had what I perceived to be a betrayal from my husband last July when I saw on his phone him becoming friends with a woman in Romania through Skype texting. I dont know what is missing, but in order for a relationship to stick after many years, there have to be compliments, little ways to show one another you care, etc. I do know her possibly of calling me again. He has been doing it ever since. Im in a foreign city and hes the only person I know that lives nearby. Until these funny things get 110% cleared up, I would not trust him no matter how nice he is to you. She told me we were not together anymore and I should find somone else, I didnt want to but eventually I ended up in a one night stand after missing my train after the bar and sleeping at a new acquaintances house. We eventually got back together, sort of. If thats the case then why does he bring up the old things that I have done to make our relationship bad. The way I work with people in therapy who have had abusive relationships (you can see my book on this go to my website for more) is to help re-wire our brains so that the trauma that caused the anger in the first place is completely healed. I can keep trying, he has reached a point of no more, and now Im on the list. Well, there is a way. We broke up afterward for 4 months, within those months we managed to talk, we ended up getting back together, we love eachother and it was one mistake that I will never do again. And I asked him does he know her he said no . Maybe right before the rope falls over the edge of the cliff and I plummet to my death she will come running and grab it and save me, or maybe I should let go and climb down before its too late. We havent talked too often, but these things take time. So my stuff is up there shes living 2 hours away from where I am now. Now he is 2 days sober and begging for forgiveness since he sees Im ready to leave. Im emotionally drained and exhausted I feel like Ive had the life sucked out of me. Ive tried to tell him this but he doesnt seem to get it, he just replied Dont say that! I will check out your new course. Or if we should even have this time spent for ourselves in the first place. I hate what he did, but I know on some level that was not truly who he was; he was just battling his own fears. He has started to see a psychologist, and I have also met with the psychologist. wait ? But this means that you become vulnerable. 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